


my heart stops (when I look at you)

by peachywoo



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Cho Seungyoun is an Idiot, First Love, Fluff, M/M, Pining, Soft boys being soft, kim wooseok is a legend, mentions of han seungwoo, mentions of seon yein
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-09-30 08:56:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20444501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachywoo/pseuds/peachywoo
Summary: He really didn't realize how hard his heart pounded at that time, because he was too focused on looking at Wooseok, too focused on catching every little detail about him. And as time would show him, he would never miss a single thing about him.Or five times where Seungyoun falls for Wooseok.





	my heart stops (when I look at you)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so,,, i wrote this instead of sleeping.  
Hope you like it~
> 
> Read the end notes! I have some things to say

**i.**

The first time Seungyoun falls, he doesn't realize. He was just a sixteen after all.

Wooseok and him had been best friends since they were little, they met in middle school when his science teacher paired them both in an assignment. They sucked at it, but even though their grade wasn't the best, they still got a friendship that would last a lifetime out of it.

He once told Wooseok that if there's one thing he can thank science for, it is their friendship. Wooseok says that he was a bit more thankful that he can live without the fear of getting smallpox, but Seungyoun is sure he's just kidding.

Like any other day in their summer life, they're both in his bedroom, laying on the ground while listening to the best hits on 2012 in hopes that the heat will not kill them if they don't move too much.

Wooseok doesn't seem to mind the heat (and death, Seungyoun thinks to himself), though, since he suddenly decides to start his own little concert as he knows every single one of the songs that are playing. He sings them as if he heart depends on it, he even acts out the lyrics and puts passion into them, his eyes shining bright, and the only thing Seungyoun can do is look at him with admiration vivid in his gaze, and a dumb smile plastered on his face. Wooseok has a beautiful voice, but Seungyoun is not gonna tell him that.

Wooseok stops singing all of the sudden and looks at Seungyoun, "What?" he asks, his mouth forming a shy smile.

Seungyoun shakes his head and laughs, "Nothing, you looked very stupid just now, that's all", he says. Wooseok's mouth pops open and Seungyoun's stomach churns as he stares at him, maybe it's something he ate? Whatever it is, he ignores it. 

"You are the stupid one, I don't care," he says as he turns away and keeps singing the lyrics of Cherry Blossom Ending, ignoring Seungyoun completely. 

He really didn't realize how hard his heart pounded at that time, because he was too focused on looking at Wooseok, too focused on catching every little detail about him. And as time would show him, he would never miss a single thing about him.

* * *

** ii.**

When the second time comes, Seungyoun finally understands. And it's pretty simple, really.

It's their last year of high school and they're really close to the graduation date, so they've been very busy. In fact, Seungyoun thinks the only time they can see each other is in class because they're so packed with homework and tests that there's no time to do anything other than schoolwork.

They still text each other whenever they can, of course. But it's not the same, Seungyoun thinks. He misses being alone with Wooseok in his room, just playing games or watching anime together. Seungyoun would go as far as admitting that he misses Wooseok singing the dumb songs he loves so much.

So when they finally catch a break and Wooseok texts him asking if he can hang out at Seungyoun's place, his heart rate accelerates. He doesn't make much of it, being as he _knows_ he missed Wooseok, he's sure the other missed him too. Well, he hopes so at least, it would be sad if he didn't.

He's laying in bed, looking at the ceiling when he hears a soft knock from the entrance of his room. He looks up and sees Wooseok standing by the frame of his door, smiling sweetly at him. And before Seungyoun can stop himself, he's already running towards the other and envolving him into a bone-crushing hug. Wooseok yelps, but immediately reciprocates, his arms circling Seungyoun's waist.

Suddenly, everything feels right. He relaxes in the warmth of Wooseok's arms and nuzzles his head against his neck. Wooseok's body vibrates as he laughs, but his arms tighten around him, his skinny fingers digging on his sides and Seungyoun can only smile.

At that moment, something clicks in his brain.

He's in love.

* * *

**iii.**

The third time, it's way more dramatic than what we would like.

After high school ended, they both moved to Seoul together to study. He got into Music and Wooseok, as Seungyoun expected, got into an amazing Art program. 

They've been living there for half a year, and both made friends in their respective courses. Wooseok always tells him about this Sunyoul dude that is on the same year as him, they share a lot of classes and seem to hang out pretty often. 

On his side, Seungyoun met Seungwoo, a senior of his that's way too sweet and offered to help him with whatever he needed. 

Seungyoun is glad both of them could make friends, even though he hadn't talked about it with Wooseok, he was a kind of nervous they would be too dependent of each other and be unable to adapt to the new environment and people (But maybe that was just Seungyoun's dramatic lovesick side talking).

And everything had been going well, really. Until it wasn't.

Seungyoun prides himself in being emotionally strong, he's learned to deal with everything on his own. Not because his mother was anything other than supportive, but because he decided to be strong for her, she had already lost so much and he was not going to be the one to put more pressure on her shoulders. So he has always tried to endure hardships, and be sure of himself at all times. 

But then something happens, and he doesn't feel so strong.

It's stupid, really, it's just a dumb song for class. Maybe he worked on it without sleeping for days, maybe he poured his heart into it unlike any other time and felt extremely proud of how well it represented himself. But it was still just a stupid song, so he shouldn't have felt so worthless when the Professor told him it was horrible and failed him on the assignment. 

It's not like it's the first time Seungyoun fails in his life, so he doesn't understand why this time when he gets home from class, he closes his bedroom door and breaks down crying. 

He stays like that crying in the dark for what could be hours, until he hears a little knock on his door and Wooseok's voice coming from behind it, "Seungyoun, are you there?"

Seungyoun suddenly feels nervous, he doesn't want Wooseok to see him in this state. But his brain is not working well, and what he says is "Uh, No!"

He hears Wooseok laugh, "Very funny, come out. I ordered something," he says. 

"I'm not hungry, Seok," he says. And fuck, his voice definitely sounded fucked up right there.

"Youn," says Wooseok, and Seungyoun knows he's been caught, "Can I come in?"

You see, if there's one thing Seungyoun is unable to do, is say no to Wooseok. So he swallows his pride and tells him yes, even though he knows he looks as shitty as he feels, sitting on his bed, covered in blankets with his eyes puffed out and red. But oh well, it's not like Wooseok would care about how he looks, even though it makes Seungyoun's stomach drop, for him, he's nothing more than a friend.

The other opens the door carefully, and light bleeds into his room, making his sore eyes hurt. He can't see Wooseok's face, but he hears the gasp that the shorter boy lets out. Seungyoun figures he saw the state he was in, "Do I look cute?" he asks, forcing a smile. Wooseok sighs and closes the door behind him, the room turning dark once again.

He hears the other before he feels him, but then there's the warmth he so much loves wrapping him in a hug, "Younie, what happened?" Seungyoun sighs, he knew the other was going to ask him about it, but he still wasn't ready to answer, "If you need time, it's okay. But let's talk about it, please?" says Wooseok, and there's a plead hiding in his voice. This takes him a bit by surprise, but he thinks he understands what that means. Seungyoun has never been one to talk about how he feels, and this probably is the first time Wooseok has seen him cry. Seungyoun doesn't like how desperate the other's voice sounded, so he decides to just talk about it.

He explains Wooseok that he was feeling down because he wrote a song and it was rejected, and Seungyoun expected Wooseok to laugh at such a dumb reason for crying. Instead, the other asks what the song was about and Seungyoun tells him. He explains how he decided to talk about his feelings for once, about how much he struggled with his own emotions and how he didn't feel as strong sometimes. Wooseok listens, arms around him, hands caressing his side, encouraging him to let it all out. When he finishes explaining, Seungyoun tells him how he knows it shouldn't be a big deal, that it's stupid to feel dejected because he failed and Wooseok pinches him.

"Ow, what was that for?" he says, rubbing over the spot he was pinched at.

"Now is where you shut up, okay?" Wooseok says, "I don't want you to interrupt me or I'm gonna pinch you even more," he warns.

"Okay..." he agrees.

"You see, Seungyoun, there's no such thing as something not being a big deal if it makes you cry, you know? And if there's one thing I've learned about you while being your best friend for so many years, is that you are one of the bravest people I know, but you bottle everything up in a way that I never know what's hurting you. It's not like I don't notice when you're down, I know you too well for that, but I'm too scared to ask you and make you uncomfortable," Wooseok explains, and Seungyoun tenses up a bit, "And if you think about it, you've kept too much of that sadness to yourself. You've been dealing with it on your own for far too long, Younie, don't you think so?", he asks. Seungyoun feels his face get warmer.

"Maybe..."

"Not maybe, more like definitely," says Wooseok, tightening his hold, "So, if for once you decide to pour all the things you kept into your work, don't you think you have the right to cry over it when someone doesn't appreciate it?"

"Yes?" he says, tentatively.

"Yes, you have all the right to feel upset," Wooseok says as he pinches Seungyoun's side once again, "But another thing to keep in mind, Younie, is that your worth doesn't rely on what a professor may think of what you did. If you were proud of it, then that's enough. _You_ are the most important person in your life, always, Younie. Your opinion of yourself should be held higher than any other person's opinion of you. So please, if you thought it was a fucking banger, then it was a fucking banger, fuck that teacher!" says Wooseok, his voice getting more and more heated. Seungyoun smiles, he can feel the anger radiating out of the other, and it feels nice to know that Wooseok cares so much about him, "I bet that old idiot doesn't know shit about music."

Seungyoun bites a smile, "He is not old, though. And he's one of the best music teachers on the department."

"W-whatever, doesn't mean a thing. Fuck him," says Wooseok, a little flustered, "What's important is that you're amazing, and maybe I'm not a music critic, but for what is worth your songs have always been my favorites."

That confession makes Seungyoun blush, "Well, for your information, your opinion is way more important for me than anyone else."

Wooseok doesn't say anything to that, instead he lays down, bringing Seungyoun with him, and tightly embraces him. 

Seungyoun has known he's in love for a while now, but at that moment, it felt stronger than ever.

* * *

**iv.**

The fourth time, something feels different.

They've been living in Seoul for two years now, still together as always. 

After that one night where he broke down, Wooseok made him promise to be more open, and until now Seungyoun has managed to comply. It has done him good, honestly. It feels great to talk about his struggles instead of just dealing with them internally. This has also brought them closer, since they made it a tradition to every Friday night "camp" in their living room, with lots of blankets and pillows, put a movie on and ignore it completely as they talk about their week.

This week is not any different. Well, kind of. 

Seungyoun is setting everything up when Wooseok arrives with a bag of takeout on his hand.

"Hey, I bought your favorite!" he announces. Seungyoun rolls his eyes.

"Let me guess, is my favorite chicken feet now?" 

Wooseok grins and shakes the bag, "You bet!" Seungyoun sighs.

"I guess I'm not eating tonight," he says, plopping down on the pillows.

"Just kidding Seungyounie~, I got normal boring chicken too," he says. Seungyoun stays laying there with his eyes closed hearing Wooseok moving around, until suddenly he feels a big weight drop on top of him, making him wheeze.

"Ow, warn a guy, Wooseok," he says, opening his eyes to find the other looking right at him, his head on top of Seungyoun's chest.

"That's no fun," says Wooseok, his lips forming a tiny smirk. He doesn't break eye contact, just intensely stares at him and Seungyoun slowly feels his face getting warmer and warmer, suddenly very aware of Wooseok's body being completely pressed against his own.

"Get off me, you're heavy," he says, pushing Wooseok to the side. Truth is, Wooseok is not heavy at all, but he does make his heart feel heavy and it's too much for him. 

Wooseok just smiles, and rolls off him, falling on the pillows next to him, "Pussy," he mutters.

"What did you say?" he asks, body tensed up. Wooseok cackles and shakes his head. He looks directly at Seungyoun, gaze full of mischief. It makes Seungyoun feel things, and it also scares him.

"Nothing, Younie. Let's watch a movie," he says. Seungyoun thinks that confidence is Wooseok's best look, he wears it and embodies it, making him emanate power. Even though it makes Seungyoun feel smaller, he loves it.

Fuck, he is so in love.

* * *

**v.**

The fifth time, as Seungwoo would repeatedly tell him, was due coming.

The scene is reminiscent of the one from years ago, they're both laying on the ground of Seungyoun's bedroom, but this time is in Seoul, and instead of being surrounded by posters of kpop stars (Seungyoun would argue that those were Wooseok's idea, he made him hang them), the walls are filled with polaroids of them and their friends.

They changed too, at that time Seungyoun was a scared little boy that kept too much to himself, and Wooseok was bright but a lot more reserved when not in his comfort zone. Now he shines wherever he goes, which fills Seungyoun's chest with pride.

The songs on his phone are pretty different from the ones that played back in 2012 too, music changed a lot in five years. But some things remain the same, like Wooseok's love for screaming MelOn's top 100 at the top of his lungs.

And another thing that didn't change from five years ago, is Seungyoun being in love with Kim Wooseok. He gets lost in him, and Wooseok twirls around the room, singing his heart out as he always does. Seungyoun's mind turns his Wooseok-love-bot mode on, and he starts admiring every single little detail about him. He realizes right there that this is what happiness is, happiness is having Kim Wooseok being his best self while enjoying himself in front of you. For him, happiness is having Wooseok by his side, no matter how. 

The song switches from the boy group that was playing to a sweeter melody, and he immediately recognizes the sound of Bolbbalgan4, but he doesn't know the name.

Wooseok stops swirling around when he hears the beat, and instead, he slowly swings in place, a little smile on his face as he sings the song. Seungyoun doesn't pay much attention to the lyrics, but it seems sweet enough as it reflects on Wooseok's face.

Then, when the song reaches the chorus, Wooseok suddenly looks at him straight in the eye and smiles, "_If you like me or love me, say yes yes yes._"

Then and there, Seungyoun knows. 

Wooseok's face breaks into a grin, and Seungyoun slowly stands up to approach him. 

"So, what are you gonna say?" says Wooseok, biting his lip. Seungyoun smiles and grabs Wooseok's right hand, intertwining their fingers together. Wooseok looks down and laughs. He can't believe that this is the way that Wooseok is doing this. He also can't understand how it took him so long to realize. He feels dumber than ever.

"You're unbelievable, you know?" says Seungyoun. 

"I've been told," he replies, "But you still haven't answered my question," Wooseok reminds him, raising his eyebrows. He sounds amused at the situation, which of course he is.

"I can't believe you," he says instead. Wooseok chuckles.

"You said basically the same thing seconds ago."

"You're really going to make me do it this way?" he asks, his voice sounds whiny to his own ears. Wooseok boops his nose.

"Well it's not like you were gonna do it on your own, is it?" and ouch, low blow. But he deserves it.

"Well, then," he breathes in, "Yes, yes, yes?" he sings, and Wooseok bursts out laughing.

"Oh my god, I can't believe you did it," he says, and Seungyoun huffs.

"Sorry for being whipped for you, then."

"No, it's cute but still funny," says Wooseok, squishing Seungyoun's hand. He lifts his free one and softly caresses Seungyoun's cheek, "I have to make one thing clear though."

"What is it?"

"The part that goes _Then I'm your girlfriend and you're my boyfriend_, does not apply, okay? I'd rather your boyfriend than your girlfriend," he says, trying not to laugh. Seungyoun gapes.

"Wow," he says, "I love you so much," he confesses, and Wooseok is about to say something else, but it's cut off by Seungyoun's mouth on his. He feels Wooseok grabbing him by the neck and pushing him closer, and his chest fills with warmth. 

As they kiss, Seungyoun can only think about one thing: he falls there too.

And he's sure he's gonna keep falling each and every day from now on.

**Author's Note:**

> So that was a thing, hope you know Bol4's song that I mentioned for a better experience, please leave a comment if you liked it?? maybe??  
And leave suggestions for more short bois because:
> 
> I'm writing a long boi! I'm nowhere near finished with it, but I felt like I needed to talk about it.  
So yeah, I'm writing a college AU, paring is still seungseok. I'm at 7k right now, but I wrote only the introduction. I hope to finish it before the year ends lmao
> 
> come say hi on Twitter! I'm at [hswflash](https://twitter.com/hswflash)


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